How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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