Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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