um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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