I'm so fucking centered right now
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
