I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
