Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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