the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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