I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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