Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
