you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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