Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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