trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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