I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
