He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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