If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
