Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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