I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
