we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
