Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
