I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
