I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
