I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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