capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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