I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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