just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
