The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i think my cat just said my name.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
