Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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