Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
