So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
