I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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