i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
too bad you live with your parents still
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am available for nakedness
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
