While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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