this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
