I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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