KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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