True but thats because hes a fetus.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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