he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
