obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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