I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
