spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Are we still banned from the library?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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