He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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