You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
