did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
