Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
