Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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