It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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