1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
