im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
