I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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