Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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