okay pat passed out under dana's car
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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