Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
