there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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