I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
