guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
