I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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