dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
